Pigs Ears

Cali Love. I always vibe and get along with my Cali peeps. I must of been Cali hippie in another lifetime, beach bum fo so. Their energy, style, mystery and look is so infectious. It something I didn't grow up with, something that I love. I met Daisy last week at a Luckyrice event and we exchange numbers because she wanted to introduce me to her friend Tracy. We decided to meet Sunday at a dive bar in Bushwich, where the Bloody Mary's flowed and where I met Gene and Tracy. My first impressions of Tracy were positive. She was pretty, I noticed her tats and her style was all me. I thought she was so my type but of course I still needed to get to know her. Time passed and we were 3-4 drinks in. We talk about the west coast, what Asians are suppose to look like and my past relationships. I really didn't get to know Tracy, she was really into her music on her iPhone and talking to the bartender. Maybe I wasn't her type, maybe she was buzzed but I really couldn't tell. Our second stop was Oh! Tasho. I haven't been there in so long and damnnn the food was legit, probably the best ramen I've since LA. Gene opened up about her dealing with racism and I totally felt connected to her. I couldn't compare to what she going through growing up in Dallas but I understood her. As a model minority their are things we all grew up dealing with. You know the neurotic Asian mom, being good at math, becoming a doctor or an accountant, playing basketball was made for the black kids, being called ching chong, feeling nervous when your friends came over because the house smelled like Chinese food. I knew where Gene was coming from and I'm glad she was opened with her feelings even though I just met her. Maybe she knew I was down, she did say that she could tell I was from NY because I was very straight forward. We also talk about Jnco and how we should bring it back. Criss Crossed, everything. We had a chill time while we getting our munchines on but I really didn't get to know Tracy, still.

Next stop, St. Marks Ale House. Daisy and I decided to go for round three while Gene and Tracy walked home. Daisy was so anxious to ask me what I thought about Tracy, lol, we weren't even at the bar yet. Tracy was pretty and attractive. I also told her I thought that she was a bit shy, I didn't know exactly what it was but she knew exactly where I was coming from and my answer was not surprising. I felt that Tracy could have been uncomfortable in her own skin. I hope that I didn't make her feel that way. Was I being to open or Cantonese, loud?? I'm definitely too raw and honest sometimes. Maybe I shouldn't have talked about my best friend's drunk stories. Then we started talking about Daisy and her past. I totally saw that she wasn't over her break-up or maybe she was but I knew something was bothering her. I told her that this feeling that your feeling will never go away. It's something you live with no matter how much you want an answer. We talked about being "in control" of your situation and not letting things that you don't have control of bother you. Last night we had a deep, rich, honest convo and I really felt what she was going through. Even though god gave me a gift of being Dr. Love, I know I can't fully diagnosis anyone but the least I can do is share my experiences and hopefully that will be my leading hand. Overall I met really down peoples, friends that I wouldn't mind kicking with again. A random Sunday that far exceeded my expectations, to drinking Bloody Mary's and eating pigs ears. Hours passed and we were the only one's left at the bar. My and Daisy kept it 100 and we could've talked for hours but then we still have to write chapter two. three. fifty.

Great Love

As a kid I remembered always being a bit more mature than all the kid's around me, at least for my age. It made my decision making easier, especially when it came to girls. My elementary years were my finest moments. I always played the dad in the family and all the girls had a crush on me and the boys wanted to be me. As I ventured off to middle school, it was the first time my Kwok Fu-shing haircut failed me and there were no longer girls screaming at my door. It sucked going to a new school where you had to met new friends. High School was the same, the unfamiliarity sucked at times. Though I was crushed on I never really gave anyone a chance, I just wasn't interested. I knew what I wanted. 

Then in my senior I had my first real girlfriend. My boy Rich Chang went to Bronx Science and he invited my to their senior ski trip. I had no expectation, no feelings, really. I remember when I first laid eye on Grace Wen, it was in front of 40 Rd. park while we were loading the bus. And then when I sat down in the back of the bus, I had my eyes peeled to the front as she approached her seat. I never felt the way I did about someone until I met her. She was beautiful, stunning and the connection we had for each other felt right. Nothing else ever did but she did. After 3 years of dating, amazing years and at times really tough, but 100% real. I heard the words "I don't see you in my future" and "I don't have the same feelings for you anymore, " from the one person I'd never wanted to hear say. It wasn't pain I felt. But a numbness and in that moment things didn't feel real and time stood still. Happiness was taken away from my senses. Shit really hurt and I loss all control. Feelings, reality, everything, especially her. I had dreams of suicide and every waking moment I just thought about her. It was a battle. A war that seemed like I wasn't ever going to win. I never felt I had enough in me, whatever it was and I was fight a losing battle. Finally 2 years later, the pain subdued and the sulking finally started to disappear. For a person that once couldn't imagine such pain, a feeling that felt like your heart was pumping blood through your system but the body wasn't reacting to the oxygen, that person had finally accepted the pain. Remorse was next. I was sorry, sorry to her, sorry that I couldn't be the best bf I could. And that was the only thing I ever wanted. I would have given everything for her but I wasn't the best I could be for her. It's been nearly 8 years since that day and almost 2 months before she gets married. As a mature man looking back, I realize that I wouldn't thank her for making my feel the way I did. But I want to thank her for giving me a chance, the chance to love and be loved. To hurt and learn from my mistakes. To take blame and cherish the things that seemed everlasting. My heart will always live with the great memories we shared and it has molded me into who am I today, good or evil. I learn that I will always care and I will always have love in my heart for her. And great love will always live with you until the end of day. But we weren't meant to be together, in that moment, in our lives.

Patty Ewing's

I remember when I was 9 years old, waiting for the teachers to sound their horns to signal play time after we ate lunch. We would rush out to the middle court with our rubber basketballs in our red Chinese bags. It was always my crew (Patty and Ryan) against them (Franz and Daniel), we fought world wars everyday while we still were trying to digest mechanical formed chicken patties and 2% low fat chocolate milk, but we all knew this was the court, where the cool kids played. My love for basketball started at a young age, I still remember hoopin downstairs with my playsckool. I don't know what got into my parents when first introduced me to hoop since they never played basketball, but I'm glad they did. It help me develop a love, a passion, a hobby, a lifestyle, an attitude that is still strong today.

My mom would never let me buy the expensive shoes. It was what the cool kids were wearing and my bother's best friend Chris was always rocking, the newest shit. He had the illest style and I always envied his sneakers. For some reason mom would always take me to Jamaica Ave. when it was time for new kiks. She loved going to KFC after shopping where she sweared that "the chicken is bigger here". Mama was right, the distributors knew where to send the premium pieces. To the hood. I still remember the little shack where I copped my first Knicks hat, some of my earliest and most vivid memories were at the ave with my mom. We would hit up V.I.M, it got me off, it felt like watching my first porno. I guess it was seeing all the new kiks that were out at that time. Either it was the new Penny's or the Bo Jackson's, but it was the mecca of sneakers stores, all their sneakers were stacked on the wall, in between the isles, stacks and stacks. I was always stuck with the mid-level shit, never got a taste of the new MJ's or Griffey's. After trying on a few pair, mama finally ok'd the Ewing's. At that time I was bummed out but I was a die hard Knick fan and I knew I would be reppin. I was a bit scared and embarrassed that the kid's at school would make fun of me because it wasn't the "Nike's". I was always worrying about what everyone thought, it must have crossed me a million times that they would look at me as the cheap ass Asian kid that couldn't afford the real kiks. But then their was Ryan Punsulan, he was my best friend and the cherry on was top was that he was a die hard Knick fan too, Ewing's #1 fan. I couldn't believe he was sweating my Ewing's. He loved them as much as I loved his mom's iced tea. That iced tea was legit always made with TLC, it was always cold, always had the right amount of fresh lemons, and always sweeter then the suggested amount. It was iced tea, but we didn't have that at my house. It's 2013 and who would have thought they would bring back the Ewing's. No longer a mid-level, but an exclusive.